The Roller Coaster Ride of ADHD
Finally. It’s 202! Did anyone here think that things would finally calm down and get better?
I did and I still believe that will happen, but for now, emotions are running high in our country and across the world as we wage war against an invisible assailant -the coronavirus. Civil unrest is threatening our democracy. Many of us find ourselves being swept away in a tide of anger and grief yet bouyed by hopes for the future. This roller coaster ride can be exhausting as we try to manage our emotions on a day to day basis. As human beings, we have the ability, most of the time, to take control of our emotions; to regulate them.
Emotional regulation is, simply put, our ability to manage our emotions on a day to day basis. Of course, we have the larger, more global issues to deal with, but what about the everyday stuff? A cutting remark, a disappointing grade, even finding out that someone put that jar of peanut butter back on the shelf EMPTY?! Or maybe you get a promotion, an A on a test, or find a twenty dollar bill!
When we encounter situations or events that bring a positive or negative feeling, an emotional reaction is generated in the primitive part of our brains-the limbic system. That emotion then needs to be managed by our brain’s CEO in the prefrontal cortex where the executive functions like working memory, planning and problem solving go to work to decide how to react. It’s as if there’s a gate keeper that says, “Hey wait a minute. Let’s think about this.”
If you have ADHD, your gatekeeper isn’t always reliable and WHAM. You’re screaming at your spouse because there’s no peanut butter left. As one author put it, you head straight to DEFCON4. The same could be true when you hear a compliment from your boss. Who wouldn’t be excited about that, right? But if your gatekeeper decided to step out, so to speak, that excitement can go straight to euphoria, as in “I think you should put me in charge of the whole project!” Oops. Now, while these scenarios may seem extreme, they play out in some fashion for folks with ADHD. That’s because their ability to stop, think and plan a response and then monitor that response is somewhat weak. I don’t mean to imply that ADHD takes away all of one’s ability to manage their emotions, but it does get in the way.
Here’s an example:
Allison is working on a project with the help of her assistant, Roger. She really needs some data that Roger has been charged with collecting. It turns out that Roger isn’t ready with that information. When Allison finds out, she explodes in a tirade about how he NEVER turns things in on time. How does this even happen?!!! In the moment, Allison isn’t able to inhibit that outburst brought on by her frustration, much less consider the fact that Roger has been out sick for a few days or remember that in the past, he’s always been on top of his work. The executive function of emotional regulation relies on working memory, problem solving, and planning to mitigate our responses. Allison’s gatekeeper wasn’t working, so her CEO didn’t have time to conisder all the factors and think of a plan for moving forward. That all came later when she had time to cool off and reflect. Then she felt absolutely horrible.
Now, ADHD isn’t necessarily an excuse for bad behavior, but it does explain it and it does suggest some solutions. Here are some tips for managing your emotions:
Mindfulness Meditation: Mindfulness, according to Diana Winston, Director of Mindfulness Education at the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center, is “paying attention to present moment experiences with openness, curiosity and a willingness to be with what is.” She has some great videos that dive deeper into the practice. Essentially, though, mindfulness increases our awareness of what we are experiencing in the moment, without judgement of ourselves or others, so that we can choose our actions accordingly. It would have made Allison more aware in the moment of the anger and frustration she was feeling and allow her to ask questions and choose an appropriate response. It’s a practice that takes time to master and doesn’t absolutely guarantee a reasoned reaction to every situation life throws at you, but it’s a step in the right direction.
One of my favorite strategies for hitting the pause button comes from Russell Barkley, Ph.D and Christine Benton. They suggest using self talk as a way to buy some time before you react. Just repeating what the person has said to you, or summarizing what has just happened can buy some time. Allison could have said “Hmmm, you don’t have the data yet” or “I’m so frustrated right now. Just give me a minute”.
Another strategy is to keep something tactile in your pocket or in the vicinity to act as a stress reducer. One client decided to wear a piece of jewelry when she knew she’d be around a particular person that would set her off. She could just twirl that bracelet or necklace to stave off a quick response.
Regular exercise is a healthy habit that has been shown to increase levels of seratonin, which can help alleviate anxiety and deal with stressors.
Just taking a deep breath when you feel that emotion building can mitigate a potential over reaction.
Now more than ever, we all need to be attuned to our emotional state. I like this quote from Siddharth Katragadda. “There cannot be Ups in a roller coaster ride unless there are Downs”. Life is certainly giving us those ups and downs. Some would say more downs than ups. As life continues to change and throw challenges our way, it’s important that we learn how to manage our reactions.
Suzanne Leon is a Certified Professional Coach who works with people affected by ADHD/ADD. Visit her website to learn more about the services she provides.